digging for fire {blog name change!}

I've been wanting to come up with a new blog name for quite some time because I got bored with "here & now" -- I started hearing it everywhere and realized I want something different. I may still play around with the header for a bit but the name is here to stay.

digging for fire is the new name. I pulled it from a song by one of my all-time favorite bands, The Pixies:



there is this old woman
she lives down the road
you can often find her
kneeling inside of her hole
and i often ask her
"are you looking for the mother load?"
huh?
no.
no my child, this is not my desire
and then she said

i'm digging for fire [4x]

there is this old man 
who spent so much of his life sleeping
that he is able to keep awake for the rest of his years
he resides
on a beach
in a town
where i am going to live
and i often ask him
"are you looking for the mother load?"
huh?
no.
no my child, this is not my desire
and then he said

i'm digging for fire [4x]

where I've been

I've been meaning to blog more but just can't seem to find the time. Last weekend I drove up to Fargo, North Dakota for an engagement session, then hurried back home to see my brother who is on leave from basic training, and have since been editing photos, Christmas shopping, cleaning the house, entertaining Evelyn, and attempting to just keep calm and carry on.... 

I leave for Vermont a week from today (actually, if all goes as planned, I'll be on the shuttle ride from the Burlington airport to campus at this time next Wednesday), and I have some pre-requisite reading and an assignment I need to complete before then....AND, I've been working on the business side of my business, as well, making some changes for 2012, figuring out new prices and practices....looking into the next lens I need for the upcoming weddings this year, etc. etc. etc. 

So those are things I've been doing (or trying to). And then there's the things I want to do more of but can't find time to, like blog (I have lots to share, I really do!), update my personal photos, organize my office space, read something that hasn't necessarily been assigned to me, write write write (poems), and exercise! 

Earlier Evelyn and I were pretending to talk to Santa on the phone, and I told her that Santa said she needs to take a good nap, to close her eyes right away and not get out of her bed during nap time, because Santa knows how important sleep is for her brain (and for Mom's brain! because when Evelyn doesn't nap, Mom feels crazier than usual....)

She's in there now but not sleeping yet. I might have to remind her what Santa said.... and hopefully she listens so I can finish editing the photos from this past weekend.... 

This couple, Meghan and Van, said they wanted something "different," nothing very posed, keeping it natural. I'm all for that so we worked really well together. And I had fun trying out some new things, like indoor  photos at a coffee shop and playing around with reflections and light....below are some of my favorites so far. See part 1 of the shoot here.

MORE CLICKING!

Yes I have more links for you to click!

h&n

and

JTF

something more

I'm always envisioning and re-envisioning - how I want my business to run, how I want my blog to look, my website, how I want myself to look.... This morning I created a new blog header for my photography blog, and I feel like it's much more fitting. What do you think?

Also, I'd love for you to join here&nowphotography - follow like you follow this one, sign up for emails, subscribe, whatever you like. I'm working on making it more active, more interactive, you know, cool. Big. Amazing. Popular. All that good stuff.

"I wanted the whole world or nothing" --Charles Bukowski

update--

Just stopping in to say I've updated my photo blog and to invite you to check out the latest post. Please and thank you!

brain stuck in mud

I don't know what it is but I haven't been able to think of anything to write that I feel is worth posting here. And it's either that

A. My judgment on what is post-worthy is skewed for whatever reason, or

B. I really don't have anything worth writing about.

I go through ups and downs. I'm ready for autumn. I don't want to bore you.

Productivity

As you may have guessed, yesterday was one of the most productive days I have had in a long, long time. Jason had the day off and said he would take Evelyn with him on his errands and such so that I could have most of the day to be fiercely accomplishing. Yes, fiercely. And I was. Not only did I come from the day having four solid poems of the ten I need to send my adviser by the end of the month (I didn't write four poems from scratch but worked enough to feel good about four), but I also revamped this blog (have you noticed the awesome banner at the top? And check out the pages!), and, perhaps best of all, I completed my photography website, which included editing a batch of photos and figuring out my pricing. And tinkering with those damn touchy web components and page elements for fucking hours on end (the last of the frustration is sputtering out).

I still need to figure out the best way to do more advertising - I really want to get my name out locally, like right now, especially since it's prime time for high school senior portraits. (If you have a Facebook account and would like to help me out, go "like" my page - just click here. Thanks!)

But I also need to do some reading, and at least some doodling in my journal....I've spent the first 45 minutes of my morning looking at the work I did yesterday, catching up on blogs, and just thinking. You know how freeing it is to not be caught up on politics? I feel like I should read at least one headline, the state of Minnesota is shut down overall (ugh, did you know that?), but I'm just not that compelled. This week's Newsweek, which came in the mail the other day, features Sarah Palin on the cover and I was like, "Damn, I do not even want to go there...."

Happy Friday!

where do these ideas come from?

So for some reason yesterday I was hit with the thought/desire to delete this entire blog and start a new one. Crazy? Silly? Regrettable? Where do ideas like this come from? Part of it may be because starting over can feel so refreshing. Cleansing. I love that feeling. Like showering, you know? Who doesn't love showering?

But I don't think I'll delete it. That would be a lot of words and thoughts going down the drain....I'll probably give it a real good shower though, and totally change things. When I have the time, though, so who knows....

It's official!

Facebook makes everything official, right? Well here & now photography has an official Facebook page. Go click "Like." Please? It's conveniently located on the sidebar....right over there.....go click it! Thank you!

here & now photography

I've officially launched a separate site for my photography work. The design is still in progress, but the basics are there. Go see: here & now photography

I'm Versatile!

I've thought of myself as a versatile blogger because I do write about many different things, which is why I had a hard time figuring out what exactly my blog should be about (remember my blog-identity crisis the other week?), but I've realized that the title says it all: it's about the here and now, which can be interpreted in a number of different ways, including 

• atheistic (what we have here and now, on this earth, within us, is all we have. There exists nothing more, nothing less....)
• poetic (notice this moment right here and now, how good that coffee tastes on your tongue, even long after you've swallowed, notice the light and the shadows, notice your feet....)
• meditative (Zen is all about the here and now)
• political (pay attention, at least somewhat, to what's going on around you because you are, inevitably, a part of it)
• personal (Hi, my name is Sarah, this is where I am and what I'm doing and thinking right here and now, here's some pictures and music I like, thanks for reading)

And I'm versatile because my passions are--I can't write about just politics because I also have to write about poetry and art. And I can't write about just poetry and art because I also have to write about religion and philosophy. And I love making photographs so I have to share some of those with you too. And I am deeply moved by music, so of course there's gotta be some of that. And I spend most of my hours with Evelyn, my nearly-2-year-old, so of course I have to write about her too.

And, as you can imagine, if my writing covers a broad spectrum of interests, you should see the list of blogs I follow. I read blogs on liberal politics, atheism, motherhood, photography, fashion, poetry, environmentalism, writing, crafting, interior design, and blogs like mine--smorgasbords of personal stories, opinions, passions, etc.

And one such a blog, a newly discovered one, has awarded me with The Versatile Blogger award. Thank you Joyful Sparrow! Both for the award and for answering this morning's question of what I should write about.

And now I have to give the award to three other versatile bloggers and share three of my goals (it's been changed from facts to wishes and now to goals):

The bloggers, in alphabetical order (by blog name):

• Sandra at Absolutely Narcissism. 
• Yandie at Inspiration Strikes. In the kneecaps. 
• Ozy at Ozymandia's Crushing and Venting Engine of Doom

The goals:

• Travel travel travel. I want to, am going to, travel all over the States, Central America, Europe, Australia....there is so much world to see and so little time in which to see it. This is a catalyst (one of them) for my moments of anxiety. 
• Publish publish publish. I want to, am going to, publish poetry for sure, whole books of it, and maybe eventually try out the memoir/personal essay thing....
• ..............I can only think of these two right now and need to go shower and open up this second day of garage sale. I'm a terrible salesperson, by the way. You barely have to barter with me, I'll agree to almost any price, because I can't say no. I'm spineless. But versatile!

Under Construction

If you happen to stop by and think the page looks funny, that's because I'm tired of the layout and design I have and am trying out different things as I decide what I want the new layout to look like.

And also--

And also today I realized that soon my blog will turn 2! Just like Evelyn! Which makes sense because I started this blog in my last lazy & too-large-to-do-anything days of pregnancy. And now she's a curly-headed toddler in the tub who I have to keep telling not to drink the bath water. Life is so surreal sometimes.

Since my post this afternoon, I've been thinking of all the things I'd like to blog about. There's a lot. For one, I want to share more pictures, since I do take A LOT of photos, so might as well share them with someone, right?

I'd also like to write more about Evelyn and my experience as her mother since that's what I spend most of my time doing, and because it's one ever-changing. exciting, exhausting journey--there's gotta be some material there! Right now one of my favorite things is that she switches her g's and d's so when I ask her how her diaper is she says "doog." I love this so much that I often ask how her diaper is even when I know that it's "doog." And I should start thinking of other things that I can ask to which she'd answer "doog" since she's well on her way to being potty-trained!

I wanted to share some photos in this post, but I have to go because I told Evelyn, for the fourth time, not to drink the bath water, and this last time I raised my voice, and now she's very upset and we need to just get the bath over 'cause I can't think past this sentence!

CONTINUED:

Evelyn and I quickly made up and now she is happily in bed and I am happily relaxing under the fan in my bedroom with some low-lighting and a very cold glass of white wine. And all this time I've been thinking about this blog, and I've realized/decided that as I begin writing more consistently again, Here & Now will have the same flavor but on a more micro level. At the core I haven't changed: I'm still a tree-hugging peace-loving liberal atheist poet mom, so at the core that's what this blog will also always be. Really what's changed is my craving for more positivity, and so it just follows that I won't be ranting as much as I used to. Don't get me wrong - I'll always enjoy your rants, it's just what I produce that needs to be more positive (and all for my own sanity). In other words, my distaste for the politics in this country (and my especially large distaste for the Republicans), has swelled so much that it couldn't sustain itself. I feel like I've said what I've had to say about the current state of things, and that's probably why I stopped writing about it all--I felt like a broken record, stuck on the track that is always asking WTF is wrong with people?

And this is not to say that I don't foresee myself writing about politics ever (actually I already have one thing I need to write about), but politics won't be the bulk of my posts, as it seems to have been for some time. Blah blah blah am I done yet? Sure.

new blog?

Yes, I've created a new blog - not in place of this one, but in addition to. It's part of the small stones project (read more here), which I've decided to take part of. I've been feeling the need for a separate place to focus on sharing poetry only, without any muddying from politics, rants, ideologies, and other things that get in the way of clear thought....and, if I have an online forum to share these small stones in, I know I will be paying extra careful attention to the life around me (to the here and now), which will no doubt help me be more focused on my MFA work. In case you're wondering, a small stone is "a moment of paying proper attention....writing them helps people to engage with the world around them." It's sort of like a small poem, a concise thought, whatever you want to call it. People write them on their regular blogs, and some people, like me, create separate blogs specifically for these poems/thoughts. So yes, you can do it too, if you feel so moved, or you can just follow along.....

There is a growing community of these types of blogs, called A River of Stones. I've appropriately named mine here&now: the stones (go see).

I'll continue to write here, too, of course, but just needed a better way to organize my thoughts (I think that's what I mean....)

As of early this morning, my grading papers job is officially over, which is a nice relief. Now I have the time that I need to work on school, and the time I need to just be. Right now the weather is so blustery - impossible to enjoy the outdoors, and I have a headache, so I'm gonna go see what I can do about that. And no, I haven't forgotten that it's earth month -

Minnesota Blog for Choice

Hi everyone. If you're interested in reading more of what my guest blogger Kira has to say, you can follow her at Minnesota Blog for Choice, a blog she's running as part of her internship with NARAL. Here's a snippet from what NARAL represents (my emphasis):

The mission of NARAL Pro-Choice Minnesota is to develop and sustain a constituency that uses the political process to guarantee every woman the right to make personal decisions regarding the full range of reproductive choices, including preventing unintended pregnancy, bearing healthy children, and choosing legal abortion.

A somewhat related personal anecdote comes to mind . . . when I was pregnant with Evelyn, someone from my partner's family sent us a check for $100 - an amount this person says he/she usually donates to the national Pro-Life campaign each year but was sending to us this year instead. With the check came a card that said (again, my emphasis), "Thank you so much for choosing life."

It almost makes me chuckle. Almost.

The Thing I Can't Tell You Yet

Hi friends. First, if you're reading this, thank you. I appreciate any and all readers, and you're especially great for sticking around even when I don't have the time or mental space to write about the "normal" things you'll find on this blog.....politics, religion, feminism, human rights, etc. etc. etc.

But this week has been the craziest week of my life (in mostly good ways). And because most of this blog is not very personal in nature (in that I don't want this blog to be about me and my daily activities, but more about encouraging us to look at the world......), I am debating whether or not to share the details...... kind of a long story.........

and sorry, I just can't right now (nobody died and nobody's pregnant).

Soon, soon.....

But here's a nice picture of me and Evelyn:



And, I can tell you that little E and I are flying to Mississippi on Sunday. We are visiting one of my best friends from college who had a baby last month. She told me to pack for warm weather. Yes!

Awards are Awesome!

I've been awarded my first blog award, which was a totally unexpected surprise and thus warmed up my freezing day (this beer is helping, too). Thanks so much Yandie at Inspiration Strikes. In the Kneecaps. You rock :-)

This is what the award looks like:

And I am supposed to share five facts about myself before passing the award on to three others. And I assume these should be five things (most) readers don't already know or couldn't easily guess . . . I'm thinking . . .

1. I was born in Germany, and I actually spoke fluent German before English when I was little (my mom is 100% German). But, we moved to the States a month before I turned four, and while I still spoke German for a while, I quickly lost the majority of it :( I can still understand it somewhat, took it in high school and all, but am nowhere near (like not even a little bit close) as good at it as I was when I was little.

2. I am addicted to coffee. I only drink one regular size cup in the mornings, but I really cannot function without that one cup. It's the first thing I do nearly every morning.

3. I was the captain of my high school soccer team, and Jason (my lovely life partner) was the captain of the boys soccer team (we went to the same high school). But we didn't date at the time.

4. I've always thought bras were extremely uncomfortable and finally had the guts to boycott them. I haven't worn one since December 4th.

5. I have stacks of journals because I've been writing in them since age 5.

Okay, and the award goes to.....

First, I should tell you I've decided to change the number 3 to the number 5 - because I'm having a really hard time deciding who to send this to, and, well, fuck it - it's my award now so I can change the rules, right? Plus, it's getting late and I need to go grab another beer and then finish watching Fight Club with the love since we got too tired last night. So, again, the award goes to some very thoughtful folks....

Johann at Johann the Cabbie for his honesty, humor, and humanity
Azia at Azia Said What? because really, this woman is not only stylin' but also intelligent, witty, and strong
Pat at Patrick Tillet for his sincerity, kindness, and deep appreciation for his readers
Andrew at The Running Fat Man for his inspiration
Andy at Laughing in Purgatory for his fucking awesome blog

If you haven't already, check these people out. They're worth my time, and, I suspect, yours, too.

Updates Updates Updates

Wow, I am so terrible with procrastination. Actually, I think I mean I am great at it. I can never sit down and start working on what I'm supposed to be working on, and in this case that's a critical essay on four of Matthew Dickman's poems. Once I get going, I don't stop until I desperately need to eat, drink, use the bathroom, or, of course, if Evelyn wakes up. Right now her papa is home so I have some extra time, so what the hell am I doing? Oh yeah, quick mentioning the updates on here - all I've really added are those little "share" and "reactions" buttons, so you can do what you please with that.

Usually I don't buy movies because we have Netflix and all, but I love Fight Club so much that I am going to buy it later today and watch it tonight because I am really craving some crazy Tyler Durden quotes. And the end scene, of course!

I Hate When I Can't Think of a Title

I apologize for being terribly absent lately.... so much going on! Not so much in the physical world but in my own mental one (wow, that makes me sound crazy, huh?) Here's the scoop:

1. I've decided to go to the Vermont College of Fine Arts. Woohoo! I still haven't heard back from the other two schools, and I realized that even if I did get accepted somewhere else, I am really impressed with VCFA so far and would probably still choose it over the others. Plus, I just got my copy of Poets & Writers magazine, and the VCFA is listed as the top program for MFA in Writing. So yeah, I'll be going to Vermont for my first residency on December 28th. I want to figure out my flight and everything as soon as possible - don't want to get stuck with an expensive ticket that departs and lands at the most inconvenient times... And I am not letting myself think about how hard it will be to be away from Evelyn for 10 days and nights. I just won't.

2. I am in an interview/hiring process for being an online teaching assistant with writing studies at Ashford University. Starting today and over the weekend, I have to grade mock student papers and respond to mock questions and all of that. This is a performance-based interview so I'm triple-checking everything I do.

3. I am in the process of writing my next article for Currents magazine. See my last two articles here and here.

4. I've been seriously concentrating on my own poetry, which means reading and writing a lot.

5. The weather here has been gorgeous - finally no humidity, and highs in the 60's (and some 70's). This means lots of toddling and strolling about with Little One.

6. Amidst all of this, I still try to keep up with my daily reading of the news and all - just got this week's copy of Newsweek. Reading other blogs helps me stay updated, as well, so thanks awesome bloggers.

I hear Evelyn awake now and my stomach is grumbling for breakfast. Hope you have a happy day. Thanks for reading.

Writing in Purgatory

I've been invited to do a guest post at the blog Laughing in Purgatory--check it out! It's a longish personal narrative piece, something I haven't really done on my blog and probably won't do again for quite some time. I know you're just dying to read it now, right?