eco- & wallet-friendly party time!

Today is Evelyn's 3rd birthday, which, for me, is the best day of the whole year. More exciting than Christmas and far better than my own birthday, today is all about my favorite girl, Evelyn Jane. And it's officially summer, and I couldn't be happier about today's weather forecast: 77 and bright blue sunny skies, my favorite kind of day and exactly what I'd hoped for for today.

I LOVE throwing parties. I love planning them, decorating them, and hosting them, yet it's something I don't get to do all that often because we just usually don't have that much time for planned parties. At this age we're still having just a family party (once she attends school I'm sure that will change), and we're so excited!

When I plan and decorate for a party I'm huge on being as eco- and wallet-friendly as possible, which is actually part of the fun. To make our modest living space a bit more festive, we put the leaf in the table and I covered it with a large white lace piece of fabric, which works perfectly as a table cloth when I tie up the ends. This is something I picked up at the thrift store last year for a couple bucks.

Using some of that same fabric and some hemp rope that I've had forever, I made a bunting to hang across our sliding glass doors. I also have these great handmade pinwheels that I got from someone who'd used them for her wedding. She didn't know what to do with them, and didn't want to throw them out, so I said I'd take them. There are quite a few pinwheels so I cut some of them into small triangles that I also added to the bunting.

On our walk yesterday, Evelyn and I picked wildflowers and daisies from throughout the neighborhood (but only the ones that grow close to the road and in bushes where people wouldn't miss them/notice I was taking them!). I have tons of old spaghetti sauce and jam jars that I use for vases, and, to tie in with the bunting, I wrapped the faces with old lace and hemp, and added a cut-out triangle....

I also baked some DELICIOUS lemon bars (I had to taste them!) and this awesome vegan cocoa cake.

And I refuse to use paper plates, so I'm making sure all the dishes are clean, and Evelyn's grandma is bringing a few extra plates and forks just in case we need them.

And I almost forgot--the Thank You cards! The other week Evelyn and I did a mini photo shoot outside, and I asked her to hold a thank you sign I'd made (with black marker and part of a paper grocery bag. I may have bribed her with chocolate.) I ordered wallet-size photos (along with a client's order so I didn't pay additional shipping), and used photo corners to stick the photos onto blank cards that I have. They're also serving as table decoration.

Oh, and for the kids I made my own "Pin the Tail on the Monkey" -- which reminds me, I still have to cut out some monkey tails!

I think I'm a party nerd. That's okay with me.

How do you explain death to a three-year old?

I'm really asking. I don't know how to explain death to myself, or maybe what I mean is I don't know how to accept death, how to think about it without becoming overwhelmed with sadness and anxiety, and so I had a hard time thinking of what to say when it came up in a conversation between me and Evelyn yesterday.

This past April Evelyn's great-grandfather passed away. He would have been 80 tomorrow, and while his health had been deteriorating fairly quickly these past few years, I don't think anyone in the family expected him to go that soon. He was a very loved man, survived by his wife of nearly 56 years, 8 children, 24 grandchildren, (some of whom are married/partnered), and 10 great-grandchildren. There could be more, it's easy to lose count! Needless to say, his life was abundant with hard work and love, and there is much to celebrate in memory of Robert Prissel.

Instead of attending the funeral I chose to stay home with Evelyn. My reasons for this were several, one being that less than a week after Grandpa Bob's funeral I had another funeral to attend (a frustratingly tragic death that I can't bear to think about), and I don't know if I could handle two funerals in a week. Two grieving families. Two dead bodies. Gah, I get choked up just thinking about it! I'll never survive a tragedy.

Anyway, my other main reason for staying home with Evelyn is that I didn't want her to attend because 1) I didn't want her to witness myself and everyone else crying. I didn't want her to feel sad for us, to worry about us. She's got plenty of time to feel sad later on, so I guess I felt I was protecting her. And 2) I didn't know how to explain the death. Her younger cousins (ages 2, 4, and 5), are being raised Catholic and were simply told that Grandpa is in heaven now, in a better place.

I would like to think that heaven exists, because, c'mon, wouldn't that be fucking awesome? Eternal life with the people you love? But I don't think that heaven exists, and I don't want to give Evelyn the easy answer if it's not something I believe. If she chooses to believe in heaven when she's older, of course, that's fine, but I feel very uncomfortable telling her what I would feel is a lie.

But then what do you say? This weekend the family is getting together in Wisconsin, including Evelyn (I won't be joining because I'm shooting a wedding in North Dakota), and yesterday we were talking about everyone she would see there. She's staying at her great-grandparents' house, and she said, "And great-grandma will be there... and great-grandpa..." and I had to tell her that he wouldn't be there. Of course she asked why and I told her because he died. She asked why and I said because he got old. She asked why and I said because that's what happens when you live a really really really really really really really long time (I don't want her to fear herself dying, or me or anyone else she knows dying.. I'm not sure if 3-year-olds are capable of that but she's so bright and intelligent that I wouldn't expect any less of her. I fear everyone dying so I'm probably projecting my own fears onto her. I don't want her to be so afraid and anxious like me). I quickly added, though, that she can still think about great-grandpa, that we have lots of memories about him, and we can remember him and his big glasses and his smile and his cane... the details she might remember.

The conversation made me second-guess my decision to not attend the funeral with her. Would it have been easier to explain death had she seen his body? Should I have given her the opportunity to see his body one more time? Thankfully, she saw him just days before he died, and I hope that if she does have memories of him when she's older that they're of him laughing, a twinkle in his eyes, because that's what he did best. He lived and he lived happily.

Read his obituary here. It does lessen my anxiety to think about the fact that when he was Evelyn's age the year was 1935. Life, in a way, is long. But still...

Also, I should clarify that this is Evelyn's dad's side of the family, so it's Jason's grandpa, not mine.

Grandpa Bob. this photo isn't mine so i'm not sure when it was taken, but probably in the past few months. 

ever wondered about the moon's mommy and daddy? {conversations with Evelyn}

on the drive home tonight we were very excited about the clear skies and the full moon. look, Mom, stars! 

we're driving and Evelyn asks, "Where's her mommy and daddy?"

"Whose mommy and daddy?" I asked.

"The moon's mommy and daddy," she said, her voice swelled with sincerity, curiosity. 

I didn't know how to answer the question... "I don't think the moon has a mommy and daddy.." I said. "What do you think?" 

She didn't say anything, so I decided to wonder with her. "Maybe the sun is the moon's mommy?" I asked her. "And maybe her daddy is one of the stars."

"Maybe they go on an airplane," she said.

"Who goes on an airplane?"

"The moon's mommy and daddy."

"Oh," I said, "Maybe the moon's mommy and daddy are on vacation?" (me and evelyn's daddy went on an airplane on vacation a couple weeks ago. without her. she's obviously still thinking about this)

"Yeah, they stay in a hotel," she said. Evelyn loves hotels. 

A little while later she says, "They home now, the moon's mommy and daddy."

"Oh yeah? Where's their home?"

"Um...at someone else's house....in Chicago."

So, there you have it. 

some kids' parents!

Lately on Fridays Evelyn and I have been attending Toddler Time at a nearby library. This library is decently stocked for being a smaller town, they have a big kids section with little tables and chairs, and Toddler Time is a free half-hour program for toddlers and their parents--it's 20 minutes of stories and songs followed by a little art project.

Evelyn loves it, and of course I love spending this time with her, but today the room was packed (usually it's like 6 or 7 kids, today it was at least double. At least.), with parents who don't care to discipline their very disruptive children! This is story time people, not gymnastics! Tell your obnoxious children to sit on their carpet squares and pay attention to the nice lady with the books (like my little girl, look how nice she's sitting!), and if they continue to not listen then you should probably leave because you're ruining it for others!

Also, it should be noted that this half hour is for children between 18 months and 3 years. They have other classes for children who fall outside of this age range, both younger and older. TAKE YOUR CHILDREN TO THE APPROPRIATE CLASS.  One mom brought her two children, neither of which were the appropriate age--her daughter who was too young (I even overheard her say "she's too young to even be in this class"-- then wtf did you bring her?!) was crawling all over the place and on the brink of a tantrum, while her son, who had to be almost 4, kept standing right in front, jumping around and doing handstands, and kicked another little girl in the head (I am not exaggerating!)--totally blocking Evelyn's view, by the way, and just being really disruptive and disrespectful to everyone else in the room.

A few times the mom told him to sit down, but he didn't listen. And she told him to sit down. And he didn't listen. And this went on the entire time.

I understand that not all kids are like Evelyn and able to sit calmly through story time, and while it's great to see so many people bringing their kids to the library, if your child is treating story time like it's the playground, and refuses to listen to you, it's probably best to leave.

I don't know, but if that was my kid I would have left. 

Evelyn saw some of the other kids standing up (plenty of others were sitting nice), and so she stood up too but I right away told her that she has to sit down until the story is done so that the kids behind her can see the pictures too. And she sat right down.

On a totally unrelated note, on the way home we stopped at the grocery store in town where we had our first ever experience of a power outage while grocery shopping. Maybe all the heavy snow knocked down a power line or something? And for some reason the generators didn't kick on. Evelyn and I snacked on some donut and cookie samples in the dark. Yum yum!

where I've been

I've been meaning to blog more but just can't seem to find the time. Last weekend I drove up to Fargo, North Dakota for an engagement session, then hurried back home to see my brother who is on leave from basic training, and have since been editing photos, Christmas shopping, cleaning the house, entertaining Evelyn, and attempting to just keep calm and carry on.... 

I leave for Vermont a week from today (actually, if all goes as planned, I'll be on the shuttle ride from the Burlington airport to campus at this time next Wednesday), and I have some pre-requisite reading and an assignment I need to complete before then....AND, I've been working on the business side of my business, as well, making some changes for 2012, figuring out new prices and practices....looking into the next lens I need for the upcoming weddings this year, etc. etc. etc. 

So those are things I've been doing (or trying to). And then there's the things I want to do more of but can't find time to, like blog (I have lots to share, I really do!), update my personal photos, organize my office space, read something that hasn't necessarily been assigned to me, write write write (poems), and exercise! 

Earlier Evelyn and I were pretending to talk to Santa on the phone, and I told her that Santa said she needs to take a good nap, to close her eyes right away and not get out of her bed during nap time, because Santa knows how important sleep is for her brain (and for Mom's brain! because when Evelyn doesn't nap, Mom feels crazier than usual....)

She's in there now but not sleeping yet. I might have to remind her what Santa said.... and hopefully she listens so I can finish editing the photos from this past weekend.... 

This couple, Meghan and Van, said they wanted something "different," nothing very posed, keeping it natural. I'm all for that so we worked really well together. And I had fun trying out some new things, like indoor  photos at a coffee shop and playing around with reflections and light....below are some of my favorites so far. See part 1 of the shoot here.

Big News!

Today we turned Evelyn's crib into a toddler bed. Big deal, I know. But really, milestones like this one make me all "omigosh she 's growing up so fast I can't even believe it she's a TODDLER!"

Not sure if she's actually sleeping in there right now, but as I type this she (and we) are experiencing her first time at least attempting to sleep in a toddler bed (seriously, if she doesn't nap again today.....yikes).

i love my job

see more here

Where did my baby go?

I know I'm not the only parent who asks this, but damn, Evelyn is SO BIG. And this last week has been a big week for her. You see, Evelyn is often very shy in new situations around people she doesn't know (I was the same way. Fortunately my younger brother was a social butterfly so I was able to follow him around and be friends with his friends), and sometimes she's afraid of things like going down the slide, riding on a swing, etc. etc. So it was a big deal for her this past weekend when we embarked on a road trip for my dear friend's wedding in Illinois--

She quickly warmed up to my friends:

Went on a pony ride (I really didn't think she'd go for this one but look at her!):

Walked down the aisle as a flower girl and didn't cry for me until she was just about at the end (see more photos of this wedding here):

AND, the biggest thing came on Tuesday, when we went to our first playgroup of this season. This year she's in the Terrific Two's, which is a separating class - we play together for the first half hour, then we do circle time and sing songs, and then the parents go down the hall to a different room to discuss parenting topics, etc. while the kids stay in the room with the other two teachers. During the first half hour of play-time, Evelyn pretty much clung to me. She insisted that I carry her and just want to sit in my lap and observe. Which was fine. She needs time to warm up. And so of course I was doubtful that she'd be okay with me leaving the room when it was time. And even the teacher, noticing Evelyn's clinging, told me that it would be okay if I had to stay in the room because we don't want to traumatize her and that if I do leave and she cries they will call me back to the room. 

Well, when it was time to leave all the kids sat at the table to play play-dough. I told her I was going to talk with some other mama's and that I'd be back soon, kissed her on the head, and left. I didn't hear her protest (I think she was in awe of all the kids at the table), and when the phone rang down in the parent room both times I was sure it would be for me but I underestimated Evelyn because she was totally fine. Yes, the half hour of separation was up, we went back to the room and the site of Evelyn sitting on the rug with the teacher and all the other kids almost brought tears to my eyes - what a BIG KID. Seriously, they looked like mini-kindergardeners sitting there so nicely. When she saw me her face lit up but she was then too big to hold my hand down the hallway. 

Stinker. 

Conversations with Evelyn

The other night Evelyn and I were being goofy on the couch, singing songs and tickling each other and laughing....and I said, "Gosh, Evelyn, you're so big--where did my baby go?"

She shrugged her shoulders and mumbled that she didn't know and I said, "Can you believe that you were just a little baby once?" And she just looked at me with her big wonder eyes and said, "Yeah," and I said, "Can you believe that you were in my belly once?"

Again, the wonder eyes. I said, "Yeah, you were in mama's belly, right here."

"Yeah," she said, somewhat amazed.

"Do you remember being in mama's belly?" I asked (knowing the factual answer but curious as to what she'd say.

"Yeah," she said.

"What was it like in mama's belly?"

"Dark," she said.

"When will you learn that there isn't a word for everything?"

Photos from today. The title of this post is a quote from Nicole Krauss' novel The History of Love (which everyone should read).

"father/daughter"

So I'm pretty proud of the father/daughter pictures I took of Evelyn & Jason tonight. I wasn't planning on doing a photo shoot, just capturing some pics in the backyard after dinner. But of course I was itching to get down in the grass, too, to sneak up on them... after some post-production contrasting and playing with the light, I'm really happy with how they turned out. See the rest at the new site. 

Going to a wedding tomorrow, Jason's cousin, so I hope to get some good photo practice in. And some dancing. And cocktails.

"the most wasted of all days is one without laughter"

This is a quote from the poet e e cummings, and it's one of my favorites (he's one of my favorites). And with a toddler, no days go by without laughter. Yesterday we did art projects: