good news and bad news

the good news is that yesterday's engagement session went very well, and you can see some of the photos on my photo blog. 

the bad news is that i've had this thing on my neck that kind of looks like a pimple but not really, and i've never had a pimple on my neck, so i thought that'd be weird, and my mom said it might be a spider bite, so i googled "small spider bite" and yeah, pretty sure that's what i have. good 'ol google. i kind of wish i still thought it was a pimple sort of thing. my anxiety is getting worse as i think about having a spider biting my neck. it feels like my throat is closing up, like when i think about getting a shot or blood drawn or really anything related to bodies and doctors and blood and skin and....yeah, freaking out...

Who's got their sh** together?

Because today I definitely don't. Or maybe I do and I just think I don't, which would probably be an indication that I probably don't.... 

Maybe it's just the exhaustion from the past week and weekend (two photo shoots, a paper, 8 poems, cleaning, holidays, travelling, etc. etc. etc.). Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I live with a toddler and five animals and like to have clean and organized spaces but have never been the best at achieving those kinds of spaces, and the child and animals don't make it any easier. Plus, I have a million projects running through my head, many of which don't exactly involve said child and/or animals, but I'm not one to neglect the child and/or animals, so I must try to be patient until I have time to myself, meanwhile my mind races a thousand miles an hour, anxiety builds from having to try to be patient.... because when I do find time it's never enough time. But that could my own problem. 

Not every day is like this. Just today. And sometimes other days. Maybe it's all because I haven't sat by sunlamp for two days now. Yes, Jason bought me a sunlamp for our anniversary, and I think it's been working, giving me energy and clear thinking space and such. 

Does anyone out there have their shit together today? I hope so. Give me some tips, please. Sometimes I feel like everything would be so much easier if I had a super organized office space or something. Plus maybe a slightly different brain?

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