why do we work best under pressure?

Well I do, anyway. This month's packet is due on Monday, the 26th, but because we're going out of town from the 22nd through the 25th, I wanted to have it done on the 21st. Those five less days can be a lot, especially when I have so many other ongoing projects. So for the past few weeks I've just  been extra scatter-brained, constantly thinking of all the things I have to do before we leave on the 22nd. Yet somehow, here I am on the 15th, and I've written my 10 poems, read my three books, and just about finished my 5-page paper (I just need to write the conclusion and then edit). Ummm.... what?

I'm glad that I have the drive to get these things done (it's funny, I'll be late to almost any appointment but I have never and won't ever not turn in school work or turn it in late), BUT, I also wish I had more self-discipline so I could just pace myself and not be such a maniac. Not really self-discipline maybe but....patience? When I want to do something I want to do it NOW, and the inability to do something right away makes me very anxious. SO, like yesterday for example, I should have started my paper during Evelyn's nap but really wanted to research some art magazines/websites/venues for submission/etc. Like, I HAD TO KNOW. So that's what I did. And then I had to prepare a print order to drop off for a client (ha, don't I sound so business-like?). And then I never worked on my paper.

So today I hopped up on caffeine and have been in the library for four hours, chugging away at this paper, which is almost complete.

Four hours? That's it? Why was I so stressed about this thing? Not stressed exactly but it's just been nagging at me ("write me write me you have to write me before you do anything else write me write me write me!"), but why was it nagging when it ended up just taking me one afternoon anyway? (plus probably an hour tomorrow) Maybe because I don't usually get four hour blocks of time so all my projects have to be broken up into 1)the time in the morning before Evelyn wakes up and then 2) nap time if she takes a nap and then 3)time at night if I really need to and am not exhausted. So I usually don't finish a paper in a day.

But I bet you if we weren't going out of town I would not have that paper finished until next weekend.....

All this breaking up of time is skewing my sense of perception.

I think I need to leave the library and pour a nice glass of wine, preferably red.................